I’ll never write an article about how much I kind of hate my sports teams
You read that right. I’m never, ever, writing an article about how much my teams suck. I’d just be giving them mental bandwidth that I don’t have right now. I have a pandemic and important life stuff to attend to, thank you. One team in particular, who will remain unnamed, I’ve stopped watching every Sunday. Can’t do it.
I’ll say this, they do suck but not as bad as other teams. I guess I’m just more sad and irritated by the whole thing. Cause they suck so bad that they make the commercial breaks seem even sadder. Like I feel like I have to go buy what they’re hocking (fine, Toyota Tundra, you’ve defeated me) just to keep the games televised. This team is one loss away from losing their entire TV sponsor roster, and then it’s Kars 4 Kids on repeat, baby. And I can’t do that either.
This same team has a ‘Fan Appreciation Day’ where they emailed season ticket holders and said (paraphrasing in Olde English)-
“Cometh once, cometh all! Prepare to be amazed by the one, the only, free Medium Pepsi.”
I’m not going to mention that they clarified at gametime that it’s only one soda per ‘group ticket holder name.’ And I’m not complaining. It’s fine.
Nor am I going to write about that, so please don’t ask me to.
Ok, sometimes I tweet what I suppose you could call ‘negative vibey’ about the bad, overpaid players on my team. Just Twitter. That’s not really writing. This, these words are writing.
I should post a disclaimer, I’m a middle-aged white dude. We hold down many prestigious writing categories, for better or for privilege. But complaining about sports, I believe that’s a torch no other tribe cares to even ignite, let alone carry. So that makes my choice to not post a heinous-rant about lack of hustle and premature celebrations even more, dare I say, brave.
It gets worse. Now you have a tool to use against me! If I ever do write something nasty about ownership or the scandal-riddled upper management, you have to hold me responsible. Cancel me and my entire writing ‘career’ if that’s even what you call this. Cancel the screenplays that I send out to filmmakers every week too while you’re at it. Shit, they may have cancelled me already because of some tweet about one of my teams. And I deserve that.
Cause I’ll never do it.
I’ll never write about how much I kind of hate my sports teams.
